Welcome back to our Imposter Syndrome series. This time, we bring you stories from 2 different individuals with diverse life experiences. Thelma will be talking about how to claw your way out of imposter syndrome. Avery will talk about the importance of a support system to get you through an imposter syndrome episode. We hope you enjoy this read!
Also, comment below if you’ve learned something so far from our previous imposter syndrome post, or if you would like to share an imposter syndrome story with us.
Our first story is by Thelma O
I first heard about imposter syndrome just before senior year of College. I remember it being defined as the feeling that you do not deserve to be in the current room that you’re in. The feeling that you’re a fake and you’d soon be found out and asked to leave the room. Or worse still, you’d be asked how you made it to the room. Welp, at the moment where I heard the definition, I certainly couldn’t relate because I knew that I had definitely earned my place in that room. So I shrugged it off, but always kept the definition in my head. It would be much later when I would finally experience what it felt like.
Fast forward to my second year as a graduate student.
At this point, I had taken a few classes, and was performing research in a new field. Let me paint the picture a bit more. I was a trained chemical engineer whose prior research experience was in theoretical modeling of chemical reactors. Now, I was being thrown into an experimental biochemistry field for graduate school research. I certainly felt like I was in over my head.
For starters, the chemists I worked with were brilliant and knew a lot more about basic biochemistry than I ever did. And so very quickly I began to feel like I was drowning and under-qualified. I started to wonder how and why my graduate school advisors let me, a chemical engineer, into their research groups. Surely, I had nothing to contribute, and they were about to find out just how wrong they were to bet on me. Looking back, I believe these are the first symptoms of imposter syndrome. The feeling of “how did I even get here”, “who let me into the room?”.
So here are three things I did to help overcome imposter syndrome
Take a pause and actually answer the question “How did I get here?”. For me, as a second year graduate student at that time, the path to getting into graduate school was long. It consisted of maintaining a near perfect GPA in college, doing undergraduate research, being involved on campus, passing my first year graduate classes, and passing my qualifying exams. In thinking back to all those “feats” I had accomplished to get to the point that I was at, I could identify all the different challenges I had encountered and overcome along the way. This helped me see that it was no accident that I was in the graduate program that I was.
The next question I asked myself is “Why do I feel the way I do”? Does this stem from fear or facts? Fear could look like: I am afraid to ask questions because I would be perceived as dumb. Facts could look like: I truly know nothing about biochemistry. I never even took a biochemistry class in college. Once I identified that the fact under the fear was, then I could forge on to solve the problem. For me, it involved actually auditing an intro to biochemistry class that semester so that I could gain the fundamental knowledge that I needed to ask the right questions.
The third most important thing that helped me get through that period was “To give myself grace”. I have found that I tend to give others more grace than I give myself. And so in moments like this, I remind myself that I too deserve grace. It’s okay to have these feelings for a few minutes, but I am not going to capture and dwell on them. I’m going to make a plan of action, or go do something else for a minute that helps me feel confident. And after I regain my confidence, I return back to said activity.
Our second story is by Avery B.
For me, an imposter is someone who pretends to be someone else for some personal gain or advantage. Ultimately through deceit they take a position where they don’t belong. Imposter syndrome as I first felt it combined those aspects in a frightening way. It is an individual’s belief that they deceived themselves and everyone around them. A feeling that seeks to make us believe that the position we have attained through hard work is ultimately undeserved or we are otherwise unworthy of maintaining.
My personal episodes of imposter syndrome can be triggered when I fail to complete a task or receive negative feedback. I begin to wonder, “Am I good enough?”, ”Do I belong?”. I begin to feel FEAR and doubt. Motivational speakers will often use the acronym F.E.A.R that stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. This is the core of my imposter syndrome. I let these failures or criticisms that only define moments of life become weights that crush my entire existence and threaten to redefine me as a failure.
These feelings and doubts can manifest themselves in different ways and one can use multiple techniques to overcome them. Akin to preserving ones physical health, to preserve my mental health, I have both preventive and curative techniques.
Some examples of preventive techniques for dealing with imposter syndrome;
- I use positive affirmations in the morning to remind myself that I have the potential to be successful, that I am made in God’s image, and to remind myself of the things I have accomplished on my journey.
- I replenish my spirit and create a barrier around my thoughts by talking to friends and family. I have been blessed with amazing friends and family who share encouraging words and helpful life lessons. They help me to stay grounded and offer me kind words when I have none for myself.
I also lean on a version of these conversations as a curative technique in the thick of imposter syndrome feelings;
I will often call friends and family to describe the situation that caused me to feel like I don’t belong. My mother is a great listener and knows that often I don’t want solutions I just want someone to hear me out and to commiserate. She reminds me that it is ok to feel doubt and FEAR, but it is important to not let these things paralyze me. That is the most important lesson I learned about imposter syndrome, that it is ok to feel that way. Fear and excitement are both natural human emotions and it is not right or wrong to feel one or the other. What matters is how we respond to these feelings and how we move forward in the times when our fears feel the grandest.
In summary, establish who your support network is and never be afraid or ashamed to depend on them in the times that you need them.
Share your thoughts on these stories or other tips you might have in the comments section. We would love to hear from you.